What the hell do you wear to a fete?

As an avid Machel Follower, I will be finding myself in Fantasy's fete tonight. Tried on my outfit and asked my boyfriend the usual "Do I look fat in this?", not expecting that my ample bodiness was the least of his concerns.

 "Why you don't wear something a bit more stylish?" Why? Let me tell you why.

Fetes are hot. You sweat. A lot. They are often on gravel or in mud. You have nowhere to sit. You get stepped on. It's super crowed. The toilet is a dark portable latrine. You aren't doing the waltz, you're basically reenacting Monday morning's aerobic class, and my favourite; people are drunk and spill drinks on you. I don't know about you, but the event doesn't seem to call for high heels and silk embroidery.

You have to find something breathable and easily washable. Sexy and sleeveless, but with the possibility of wearing a strapped bra underneath (the bra-less jump and wave may result in injury). Shoes as comfortable as sneakers, but as blinged out as Beyonce's aura. Short pants that won't ride up, but that accentuate the ass-ets since soca related dancing refers basically to waist down movements only. AND if your boyfriend is anything like mine, you better make sure the whole thing looks pageant appropriate.

I put on a cropped t-shirt and high waisted white knit shorts. It seemed to fit the criteria. I guess I was wrong. What do you wear to the fetes to stay cool, comfortable, sexy and able to jump and wave without ripping a seam? Hint: Contrary to popular response, "Rubber slippers" is not the answer to the above question.

Over the next few weeks of palancing I'll be solving this. Stay tuned.